Mwa Ha?

Well, well well....

Can't anybody involved in my care make up their f***ing minds?

What is this "well, you might be Bi-Polar but also prolly Borderline..."

And my mom saying "Well, you've been lazy.... both mentally and spiritually." Meaning, whatever is wrong with me is my own damn fault and she can feel good about blaming me?

WTF.

I know people aren't mind readers and can't just get to the bottom of things right away if symptoms are confusing... but this beats all. It really f***ing does.

Okay, I have not been having a good year. Mebbe 2005 will be some WONDERFUL year of denouements (i know it's spelled wrong) and marvelous things happening. Mebbe I will get cured! Mebbe my mum will get off my back about well, pretty much everything.

Mebbe not. But I can only hope that with the ringing in of a new year good things will come. And THIS year I might even celebrate Chinese New Year. Helps to hedge your bets right?

Right.

That is all

DON'T DO THIS AT HOME! (LJ)

Don't try to kill yourself.

Ever. Believe me, if this disease was fun, I'd recommend that EVERYONE go out and pick up a subscription to the Bi-Polar times.

Only half of the newspaper would be so down and out it would be black print on black paper.

The other half would be made out of shards of colored glass so it looks pretty but it tears you apart.

*sigh*

I was *THIS* close to drowning myself yesterday. Only fate intervened.

But about now I'd really like to get some fucking sleep all the fuck ready.

Damn I'm cranky.

Merrymerrymerry... Oh to hell with it.

Okay now.

I still have to go to work but I sure as hell won't be there for very long.

Fucking work on Christmas and I only get time and a quarter.

Here is the list no one wants to hear. My presents.

1. a Homestar Runner Hoodie from E.
2. a Hand drawn picture of prince Yuki from "Furuba" by MFH in a rose frame.
3. MLP key chain (Rainbow Dash!) from MFH
4. a kick ass Art Book of "Batman the Animated Series" from Suchan.

5. Compfy PJ's from Mom and Dad.
6. Edward Scissorhands from M&D
7. Slippers (the furry warm kind)
8. Sheets. (Cool flannel ones.)

*sigh* I am only slightly better that yesterday because I am having a Johnny Depp fix. I wish I could freebase Chistmas Spirit...

More on the joys of having all of your plans change (repeatedly) later.

Doom (LJ)

I have gone beyond jealousy of all the people who have learned to use the computer for their art and have gone straight to "I fucking give up."

Also, Christmas. With no cousins, my sis having a baby, having a Migraine, and having an Ex contact me I am am just not in the mood to be jolly for some reason.

FUCK YOU OCHELTREES! Fuck my whole messed up family who can't get their heads out of their asses long enough to realise they have DESTROYED an entire branch of their family tree due to their cruelty and stupidity.

God Damn, I can't even say that around the rest of my family because they are still hoping for reconcilliation.

I say: To hell with that. They are the ones who dumped us like used kitty litter.

They are the ones who used myself and my sister as weapons in this little Jihad they started over nothing.

In fact, they are total disaster areas that let their kids run wild and then decide that when they have had enough of their own kids bad behaviour that they need to take out their weirdness on us.

Phooey.

I really hate this time of year, you know?