Well, I feel bad (or is it badly?) that I didn't get more done this Summer. Part of it was, we had a major family emergency that we never could have planned for or been prepared for.
I graduated with my A.A. towards the end of May and then took a week off from life just to let the adrenaline wear off. After finding out I had literally been 3 classes away from my degree for over 4 years was annoying and yet also deeply relieving. I also found out I have 124 transferable credits. You hear that?? TRANSFERABLE. That means every lousy credit is transferable as a class in a 4 year college.
I feel jipped somehow. I feel like mental illness has just screwed with some of the most productive years of my life. I can't help but grind my teeth when I see the friends and acquaintances I know who have gotten married (and a few divorced) graduated with BA's, had children, gotten dream jobs while I have had nervous breakdowns, quit 3 jobs and barely finished college.
On the one hand I want to be proud and scream "SCREW YOU BIPOLAR DISORDER!!!!" Because I HAVE finished a degree, I HAVE been published a few times, had my art in the Fair, started my own business, run a few websites and basically, pulled myself out of the hole I dug as an un-diagnosed person.
On the other hand I succumb to the temptation to look at other people's accomplishments and then feel sorry for myself. Well, what the heck? That isn't helping at all. It's not getting my art done, it's not moving my business forward so basically I need to shout "SCREW YOU SELF-PITY!!!" Because it's stupid, it's not helping and all it does is make me look backwards and not into the future.
So, I guess my priorities this semester are, 1. Do my math homework every night, 2. Work on my cartooning at least 1 night a week. 3. Promote my jewelry business. 4. Talk to successful small business owners about what I need to do to stay on top. 5. File for a fictitious business license so I can have checks cashed to my business name.
I think those are do-able. I have a sub-goal of looking for part time work but my parents aren't pressuring me so they have basically told me as long as the job fits into my needs as a bi-polar person/student. I think I may look for a job at the mall in a smaller, lower traffic store. That way I can work weekends and days (I hope) Since 2 of my classes are night classes.
I feel better having blogged this. I guess I've been feeling pressure from my own expectations and it's been making me cranky.
Also, if anyone besides me is reading this, can you please message me with how to do cuts? I have no clue.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Desitin, Carpet Cleaning, Car Crashes, Broken Necks and Comic-Con (LJ)
WARNING: This is JUST A QUICK OUTLINE... I will edit and repost later!!!
In July I took the Amtrak/Pacific Coaster to Anaheim to pick up my sister and her 2 children. O and D are 2 1/2 and 1 respectively so I knew this trip would be... interesting. The train ride wasn't too bad but when I had to transfer to the bus in Bakersfield I got stuck on a small bus with no air-conditioning. COME ON PEOPLE IT'S 102 DEGREES OUTSIDE! Oh well, huh? I also had to sit across from the loudest little boy ever. And since I am overweight I made SURE to squish myself against the bus so my seat mate had plenty of room. NEWS FLASH: Men will spread out no matter how much room they actually need. So the bus ride sucked.
There was an hour delay once we got to LA Union Station so I read and waited. Once we got the call for boarding it was mayhem like it always is. Imagine 150 people running like there are wild dogs after them to make sure they get priority seating. Bwa ha ha. I do have priority seating. I almost always get business class which is like a teeny air conditioned heaven. There are always seats, you almost never have to sit with anyone and did I mention free coffee and snacks? Booyah! It makes the battle to get to the platform worth it.
Anyhow, I stored my snacks to share with the babies once I saw them and read for 45 minutes until I got to Anaheim. S picked me up at the station which is literally across the parking lot from the A's stadium, and dragged me to Albertson's so she could pick up groceries for dinner. I sat in the car with the babies and ate delicious home made fried chicken. And by the way, it's actually not fried. It's baked. Still delicious though! After S got the groceries we headed home which was good because I had a raging migraine and was beginning to feel ill.
Well, when we got to her apartment I had to resist the urge to be overly critical and I failed. It was hell on earth. There were 4 huge black trash bags full of trash. But I mean, papers, dirty diapers, food, bottles etc... There were toys, clothes, books, papers, DVD's, food bits, rotting sippy cups, piles of dirty laundry and DIRTY DIAPERS all over every surface of the apartment. By this I mean the floor, the table, sofa, sink, bathroom counter etc... Also, from 3 feet down, on EVERY WALL IN THE HOUSE there was food, crayon, pen, lip gloss and what may have been poop, I'm not sure as I didn't try very hard to figure that one out. To make it worse, it was over 90 degrees inside.
I don't know if it's a disease you come down with as soon as you move past Bakersfield but it seems like everyone south of there has no idea what an Air conditioner is. COME ON PEOPLE!!! It had to be in the 90's and I guess the excuse is that they live in Anaheim which is supposedly close to the Ocean but COME ON PEOPLE IT'S NOT THAT FREAKING CLOSE!!!! S' apartment was a sauna and she refused to run the little window unit. And I wasn't even asking to run it all day, I just wanted an hour of cool air while I tried to get rid of my migraine. (Which shockingly, isn't helped by heat)
I actually spent 2 hours whipping around her apartment tidying up what I could just because it was so filthy. I mean, my room is messy. I have boxes of unsorted art work and books, beads and shirts I still need to hang. But this went so far past untidy it kind of boggled my mind. Anyhow, I vacuumed the hall, scrubbed the toilet, wiped out one sink in the bathroom, cleaned off the main counter in the Kitchen and hung a bunch of pictures that had been sitting on the counter collecting dust and encrusted baby formula. I also swept the floor in the kitchen, organised some knick-knacks and managed to drop a crystal sugar bowl lid near D. That meant S and I had to pick up the shards before he could get to them. Guess who re-swept the floor?
Anyhow, after that I was sure I was going to pass out. It was so hot, my migraine had gotten worse and regardless of what I had done, there was no appreciable difference in the mess. Since S had to wait to pick M up from work, she let me crash on her bed and nap.
I woke up in a puddle of my own drool on S' bed around 11pm. M and S were both home and they had gotten Del Taco. So I ate a burrito and got ready to go to bed.
Let me tell you this. I wish I could have slept naked. It was so hot and her apartment was so dirty that I was sleeping on this really small couch Instead of the floor which in retrospect might have been more comfortable than the lumpy, evil entity known as that sofa in S' living room. I woke up repeatedly, in a lot of pain, because the wonder that is S' couch was making my back injury feel a little like I was sleeping on pointy rocks. I took 4 ibuprofin early on Saturday morning and tried to go back to sleep. When S got up to drive M to work I took over her bed.
Our plan for Saturday was to go to Disneyland which I was actually pretty excited about. In fact, I hadn't been to Disneyland in 20 years so I felt like this would be a fun trip. Unfortunately, due to poor planning on several people's part, we didn't leave the house until after 11am. I felt that this would be a problem because we hadn't packed a lunch which meant we'd have to eat at the park and also because it's the middle of the summer in Southern California. i.e. It's over 90 degrees in the sun.
We got to Disneyland around 12:30 and were able to park 2 rows away from where the trolley comes to pick you up. This was a blessing. S has several strollers but for some unknown reason had only taken one. So D got to be in the stroller and Aunt Jen got to take O around in... wait for it... a toddler harness. It's a rather well designed harness that goes over the shoulders and tummy and has a plastic snap lock which take dexterity that toddlers do not possess to open it. This one also had a rather long leash. Now, as ridiculous as this may sound, you try taking a 2 1/2 year old who can run at the speed of sound, to the "Happiest Place of Earth" in the middle of the summer, on a weekend without one. I DARE you.
O had obviously been in the harness before because she was ok wearing it and seemed to know the limits of the leash. This contraption allowed her a greater roaming are than if I had been holding her or holding her hand the whole time. It also allowed me to keep an eye on her without having to hold her the entire time. Whenever she got grumpy with auntie, S and I would switch places and I'd push D in the stroller.
The first ride we went on was "The Jungle Cruise" because I was hoping to see Skipper Kate. The line wasn't too long but standing in it gave me a taste of what the rest of the day was going to be like. The sun was relentless and even standing in the shade I was beginning to overheat.
-C- Later
Disneyland in the 90 degree heat, cranky toddlers, crankier aunty, another sunburn. :K BAD IDEA JEANS
Train ride home ok... until Hanford. Called Steph the "C" word (not like she didn't deserve it on some level)
One day into vacation and gramma totals her car and breaks her neck.
Hell breaks loose on so many levels.
I get "stuck" with a bored sister and 2 confused toddlers.
Go to the mall MOST EXCITINGDAY OF THE WEEK! At least I get a cinnamon roll.
Bass Lake for 4th of July. Ahhh. Nice weather, great food, tired toddlers... LOL D puked in my car. God bless L!
S leaves 5th of July but as she's packing to go she breaks mom's desk and O...
OMFG Get the Desitin away from her!
yeah, that. WTF? This is NEWCARPET!
Let's not even mention Daniel Cox... Much.
Ugh.
Comic Con Highlights: Long lines, sunburn, 2 hour wait for badge, comic making seminars, packed eshibit hall, Autographs from Stephen Notely, Chyna Clugston, Peter S. Beagle, Ray BRadbury, Neil Gaiman and Jhonen Vasquez
Prince Caspian trailer and pre-viz with Richard Freaking Taylor!!!!!!!!
OMG Ray Bradbury! *shakes*
Hooters with Jim... BAD IDEA!!!!!!!!!
Kirsten dissing my weight.
In July I took the Amtrak/Pacific Coaster to Anaheim to pick up my sister and her 2 children. O and D are 2 1/2 and 1 respectively so I knew this trip would be... interesting. The train ride wasn't too bad but when I had to transfer to the bus in Bakersfield I got stuck on a small bus with no air-conditioning. COME ON PEOPLE IT'S 102 DEGREES OUTSIDE! Oh well, huh? I also had to sit across from the loudest little boy ever. And since I am overweight I made SURE to squish myself against the bus so my seat mate had plenty of room. NEWS FLASH: Men will spread out no matter how much room they actually need. So the bus ride sucked.
There was an hour delay once we got to LA Union Station so I read and waited. Once we got the call for boarding it was mayhem like it always is. Imagine 150 people running like there are wild dogs after them to make sure they get priority seating. Bwa ha ha. I do have priority seating. I almost always get business class which is like a teeny air conditioned heaven. There are always seats, you almost never have to sit with anyone and did I mention free coffee and snacks? Booyah! It makes the battle to get to the platform worth it.
Anyhow, I stored my snacks to share with the babies once I saw them and read for 45 minutes until I got to Anaheim. S picked me up at the station which is literally across the parking lot from the A's stadium, and dragged me to Albertson's so she could pick up groceries for dinner. I sat in the car with the babies and ate delicious home made fried chicken. And by the way, it's actually not fried. It's baked. Still delicious though! After S got the groceries we headed home which was good because I had a raging migraine and was beginning to feel ill.
Well, when we got to her apartment I had to resist the urge to be overly critical and I failed. It was hell on earth. There were 4 huge black trash bags full of trash. But I mean, papers, dirty diapers, food, bottles etc... There were toys, clothes, books, papers, DVD's, food bits, rotting sippy cups, piles of dirty laundry and DIRTY DIAPERS all over every surface of the apartment. By this I mean the floor, the table, sofa, sink, bathroom counter etc... Also, from 3 feet down, on EVERY WALL IN THE HOUSE there was food, crayon, pen, lip gloss and what may have been poop, I'm not sure as I didn't try very hard to figure that one out. To make it worse, it was over 90 degrees inside.
I don't know if it's a disease you come down with as soon as you move past Bakersfield but it seems like everyone south of there has no idea what an Air conditioner is. COME ON PEOPLE!!! It had to be in the 90's and I guess the excuse is that they live in Anaheim which is supposedly close to the Ocean but COME ON PEOPLE IT'S NOT THAT FREAKING CLOSE!!!! S' apartment was a sauna and she refused to run the little window unit. And I wasn't even asking to run it all day, I just wanted an hour of cool air while I tried to get rid of my migraine. (Which shockingly, isn't helped by heat)
I actually spent 2 hours whipping around her apartment tidying up what I could just because it was so filthy. I mean, my room is messy. I have boxes of unsorted art work and books, beads and shirts I still need to hang. But this went so far past untidy it kind of boggled my mind. Anyhow, I vacuumed the hall, scrubbed the toilet, wiped out one sink in the bathroom, cleaned off the main counter in the Kitchen and hung a bunch of pictures that had been sitting on the counter collecting dust and encrusted baby formula. I also swept the floor in the kitchen, organised some knick-knacks and managed to drop a crystal sugar bowl lid near D. That meant S and I had to pick up the shards before he could get to them. Guess who re-swept the floor?
Anyhow, after that I was sure I was going to pass out. It was so hot, my migraine had gotten worse and regardless of what I had done, there was no appreciable difference in the mess. Since S had to wait to pick M up from work, she let me crash on her bed and nap.
I woke up in a puddle of my own drool on S' bed around 11pm. M and S were both home and they had gotten Del Taco. So I ate a burrito and got ready to go to bed.
Let me tell you this. I wish I could have slept naked. It was so hot and her apartment was so dirty that I was sleeping on this really small couch Instead of the floor which in retrospect might have been more comfortable than the lumpy, evil entity known as that sofa in S' living room. I woke up repeatedly, in a lot of pain, because the wonder that is S' couch was making my back injury feel a little like I was sleeping on pointy rocks. I took 4 ibuprofin early on Saturday morning and tried to go back to sleep. When S got up to drive M to work I took over her bed.
Our plan for Saturday was to go to Disneyland which I was actually pretty excited about. In fact, I hadn't been to Disneyland in 20 years so I felt like this would be a fun trip. Unfortunately, due to poor planning on several people's part, we didn't leave the house until after 11am. I felt that this would be a problem because we hadn't packed a lunch which meant we'd have to eat at the park and also because it's the middle of the summer in Southern California. i.e. It's over 90 degrees in the sun.
We got to Disneyland around 12:30 and were able to park 2 rows away from where the trolley comes to pick you up. This was a blessing. S has several strollers but for some unknown reason had only taken one. So D got to be in the stroller and Aunt Jen got to take O around in... wait for it... a toddler harness. It's a rather well designed harness that goes over the shoulders and tummy and has a plastic snap lock which take dexterity that toddlers do not possess to open it. This one also had a rather long leash. Now, as ridiculous as this may sound, you try taking a 2 1/2 year old who can run at the speed of sound, to the "Happiest Place of Earth" in the middle of the summer, on a weekend without one. I DARE you.
O had obviously been in the harness before because she was ok wearing it and seemed to know the limits of the leash. This contraption allowed her a greater roaming are than if I had been holding her or holding her hand the whole time. It also allowed me to keep an eye on her without having to hold her the entire time. Whenever she got grumpy with auntie, S and I would switch places and I'd push D in the stroller.
The first ride we went on was "The Jungle Cruise" because I was hoping to see Skipper Kate. The line wasn't too long but standing in it gave me a taste of what the rest of the day was going to be like. The sun was relentless and even standing in the shade I was beginning to overheat.
-C- Later
Disneyland in the 90 degree heat, cranky toddlers, crankier aunty, another sunburn. :K BAD IDEA JEANS
Train ride home ok... until Hanford. Called Steph the "C" word (not like she didn't deserve it on some level)
One day into vacation and gramma totals her car and breaks her neck.
Hell breaks loose on so many levels.
I get "stuck" with a bored sister and 2 confused toddlers.
Go to the mall MOST EXCITINGDAY OF THE WEEK! At least I get a cinnamon roll.
Bass Lake for 4th of July. Ahhh. Nice weather, great food, tired toddlers... LOL D puked in my car. God bless L!
S leaves 5th of July but as she's packing to go she breaks mom's desk and O...
OMFG Get the Desitin away from her!
yeah, that. WTF? This is NEWCARPET!
Let's not even mention Daniel Cox... Much.
Ugh.
Comic Con Highlights: Long lines, sunburn, 2 hour wait for badge, comic making seminars, packed eshibit hall, Autographs from Stephen Notely, Chyna Clugston, Peter S. Beagle, Ray BRadbury, Neil Gaiman and Jhonen Vasquez
Prince Caspian trailer and pre-viz with Richard Freaking Taylor!!!!!!!!
OMG Ray Bradbury! *shakes*
Hooters with Jim... BAD IDEA!!!!!!!!!
Kirsten dissing my weight.
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