I had a super weekeend with my niece and nephew! They were here for the whole week and even though I have been in an incredible ammount of pain, I was able to enjoy almost every minute with them. They were almost perfect for a 1 1/2 yo and 3yo with Gramma and Grampa and Auntie Jen. We went on walks, and played and just did lots of fun things that didn't involve TV. Every morning when I got up my niece said "Good Morning Auntie Jen!" And we'd get to play and have fun.
When I'd leave for work she'd say "Come back soon!"
When my sister came their behaviour modified a little and it's still hard for me to deal with that. For some reason D gets really clingy and needy and will cry pretty much non stop. It's like a switch gets flipped and he's not the same happy baby. It bums me out because he goes from being content to just crying all the time.
Work is evening out. My manager said she wants to focus less on numbers but stay with the "Complete Solution" emphasizing that the CS will change for each customer so attachments don't matter as much and making sure each customer walks out of the store with what they NEED. I hope this change will trickle down to the people in my posotion and people will begin to treat us with more respect. There are still some specialists who hassle us or think out position is useless and it bugs me because it's not as easy as it sounds to stand at the door and say "Hi, how can I help you?" all day and deal with ridiculous questions and impatient people who treat you like YOU'RE the one who broke their machine.
We made candy last night and everyone got manic and punchy around 11pm because we all had sugar highs. My sister and I LOST it when mom turns to us and says "Who wants to cream?" And she meant THE FROSTING she was making but we took it south and laughed for 10 minutes straight. The pink and chocolate candies turned out looking very nice but the yellow got ruined when mum tried to smooth it out and made it grainy. Oh well. They are like fluffy smooth peanut butter nougats with chocolate coating.
S made itty bitty cupcakes and used frosting mom had made but added too much almond flavouring so they tasted good but had a bitter aftertaste. They did look adorable though.
Dinner today was turkey, braised carrots with dill, potatos au gratin, rolls, asparagus, and for dessert we had the popcorn balls I made with grandma yesterday, the blissfully bad for you sugar cookies with pink frosting and coffee.
I took a nap for my headache (didn't help) and then got up to watch my niece and nephew hunt eggs.
When they left I crammed tears back so far into my head I thought my sinuses would explode.
As for the headaches... they are keeping me from sleeping well because they have been getting MORE painful when I lay down. I work tomorrow with slightly longer hours so I hope I have a good day because I am not especially in the mood to have a bad one you know?
In fact, here's hoping I have a wonderful Spring and earn some respect from my team members!
*determined face*
I PLAN ON HAVING A GOOD SPRING! I PLAN ON *LIKING* WHAT I DO! I PLAN ON BEING *MORE* PRODUCTIVE! I PLAN ON GETTING RID OF MY HEADACHES!
SO YOU HEAR ME WORLD? I AM NOT GOING TO FAIL!
I AM GOING TO KICK BUTT AND TAKE NAMES AND GOSH DARN IT, I AM GOING TO FREAKING *LOOOOVE* IT!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
No Subject (LJ)
I went to Target the other day to get some Ibuprofin and to see if they had the pink Bruce I have been scouting about for and found myself walking past the current "holiday" area. I've noticed for the last couple of piddly holidays that the gift/candy/snack/toy areas have gotten bigger. For V-day it was rows of Transformer and Care Bear Cards, oogy chalk candy hearts and enough chocolate to sate the hunger of a Football stadium of women with PMS.
This time it was set up for Easter. In fact, the entire store was decked with chicks and flowers and so forth. The Easter area was crammed with bags of candy, stuffed toys, baskets shaped like balls, or trains or fluffy bunny heads. Not to mention cards with sickly sweet poems, baby outfits and what ever else you could stamp a bunny or chick on.
I normally don't find myself getting philosophical in the middle of Target but as I eyed a mom dumping several bags of candy into her cart, all I could think was "Christ died for this??" Or more to the point, "This is what Christ's sacrifice has become?"
I honestly wonder at the people who are offended by others beliefs. In so much as they will pick a fight or be as inflammatory as possible in addressing their objections. Why? What's the point? I personally believe that Christ died for me. A belief that gives me hope, inspires me to help others, to live with joy and when things REALLY REALY suck, to look forward to a life beyond this one where pain is a distant memory and tears will be wiped away my God himself.
I hardly feel it is naive or selfish to want an eternity that DOESN'T hinge on endless rule following. So many people who have not read the Bible, but choose to judge people who claim to be Christians miss, is that someone who is honestly living their faith will let you in on a little secret called... GRACE.
As the Apostle Paul said. (loosely worded by me) "I am capable of doing anything, but not everything is good for me." He also said "Should I go and sin that I can exercise Grace? God forbid."
In other words: Christians who follow in the steps of Christ will acknowledge that they aren't, and cannot be perfect. But they can strive to serve Christ without going insane with endless rules.
Christ said: "These are the greatest commandments: That you love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul and that you LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR as yourself."
How hard is that??
This time it was set up for Easter. In fact, the entire store was decked with chicks and flowers and so forth. The Easter area was crammed with bags of candy, stuffed toys, baskets shaped like balls, or trains or fluffy bunny heads. Not to mention cards with sickly sweet poems, baby outfits and what ever else you could stamp a bunny or chick on.
I normally don't find myself getting philosophical in the middle of Target but as I eyed a mom dumping several bags of candy into her cart, all I could think was "Christ died for this??" Or more to the point, "This is what Christ's sacrifice has become?"
I honestly wonder at the people who are offended by others beliefs. In so much as they will pick a fight or be as inflammatory as possible in addressing their objections. Why? What's the point? I personally believe that Christ died for me. A belief that gives me hope, inspires me to help others, to live with joy and when things REALLY REALY suck, to look forward to a life beyond this one where pain is a distant memory and tears will be wiped away my God himself.
I hardly feel it is naive or selfish to want an eternity that DOESN'T hinge on endless rule following. So many people who have not read the Bible, but choose to judge people who claim to be Christians miss, is that someone who is honestly living their faith will let you in on a little secret called... GRACE.
As the Apostle Paul said. (loosely worded by me) "I am capable of doing anything, but not everything is good for me." He also said "Should I go and sin that I can exercise Grace? God forbid."
In other words: Christians who follow in the steps of Christ will acknowledge that they aren't, and cannot be perfect. But they can strive to serve Christ without going insane with endless rules.
Christ said: "These are the greatest commandments: That you love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul and that you LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR as yourself."
How hard is that??
Sunday, March 2, 2008
I don't like who I am becoming... (LJ)
The last few weeks I have been slipping into a depression and despite my best efforts, it's worsening. Basically, I feel like I am losing my happiness and self confidence. I don't want to do anything, going out exhausts me and I am so tired of my job where i have to stand in the front door and smile and say "HI!" to people all damn day.
This epic battle with D has taken so much from me it's hard to explain. He's such a snake. So many times I have tried to escape from him and he shows back up, wrapping his coils around me and squeezing the life, confidence and happiness out of me. Verbal abuse is hard to deal with, it can be so subtle, cutting you so sneakily you don't notice you are injured until you fall to pieces. It would be unfair to say I hate him but he has done nothing but robbed me of my joy and then slandered me, made me feel worthless and a little like I want to die.
I have been on the verge of tears for days, occasional thoughts of dying coming to me, making me wonder if I'd be better off dead, or if those around me would be better off if i was gone. To be honest, I am struggling to come up with reasons they WOULDN'T be better off.
On Friday I worked a 12-5 but the chaos in the store was almost more than I could handle. I physically felt myself getting ill, needing to cry and beginning to stammer nervously. Everything that went "wrong" was like another tick in the "You suck" column and I was hyperventilating, desperately cramming down the words "I quit" that hovered in my mouth like flies around a corpse.
Eventually I calmed down and had dinner with my mom and dad, mom got a strawberry Margarita for all of to share and I calmed down a little more. But even then, I went home and did nothing, and yesterday just piddled around, trying to find reasons not to cry.
Today I went to church which should have been a blessing but I screwed up and opened my big bi-polar mouth after service.
We were supposed to have an auction for Missions (We do this once a year) but the spread was pretty pathetic compared to years past. So I said something. IDIOT. I didn't NEED to, I just did. So of COURSE it dawns on me that I was impolite so I apologised but I had really pissed the woman off and she said as much, so I slank back to my table and tried not to cry. What a screw up. Eventually I called my best friend to drive me home because I couldn't bear the thought of siting thru the auction with Kathleen glaring at me.
Normally, I'd be strong enough to shrug it off and realise that yeah, I was rude but I also apologised and if she needed to stay angry that's her need, not mine. But no, I internalised it and now I am at home, alone, feeling MORE depressed and like a huge loser.
I hate this me. Go away.
This epic battle with D has taken so much from me it's hard to explain. He's such a snake. So many times I have tried to escape from him and he shows back up, wrapping his coils around me and squeezing the life, confidence and happiness out of me. Verbal abuse is hard to deal with, it can be so subtle, cutting you so sneakily you don't notice you are injured until you fall to pieces. It would be unfair to say I hate him but he has done nothing but robbed me of my joy and then slandered me, made me feel worthless and a little like I want to die.
I have been on the verge of tears for days, occasional thoughts of dying coming to me, making me wonder if I'd be better off dead, or if those around me would be better off if i was gone. To be honest, I am struggling to come up with reasons they WOULDN'T be better off.
On Friday I worked a 12-5 but the chaos in the store was almost more than I could handle. I physically felt myself getting ill, needing to cry and beginning to stammer nervously. Everything that went "wrong" was like another tick in the "You suck" column and I was hyperventilating, desperately cramming down the words "I quit" that hovered in my mouth like flies around a corpse.
Eventually I calmed down and had dinner with my mom and dad, mom got a strawberry Margarita for all of to share and I calmed down a little more. But even then, I went home and did nothing, and yesterday just piddled around, trying to find reasons not to cry.
Today I went to church which should have been a blessing but I screwed up and opened my big bi-polar mouth after service.
We were supposed to have an auction for Missions (We do this once a year) but the spread was pretty pathetic compared to years past. So I said something. IDIOT. I didn't NEED to, I just did. So of COURSE it dawns on me that I was impolite so I apologised but I had really pissed the woman off and she said as much, so I slank back to my table and tried not to cry. What a screw up. Eventually I called my best friend to drive me home because I couldn't bear the thought of siting thru the auction with Kathleen glaring at me.
Normally, I'd be strong enough to shrug it off and realise that yeah, I was rude but I also apologised and if she needed to stay angry that's her need, not mine. But no, I internalised it and now I am at home, alone, feeling MORE depressed and like a huge loser.
I hate this me. Go away.
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