School and Priorities (LJ)

Well, I feel bad (or is it badly?) that I didn't get more done this Summer. Part of it was, we had a major family emergency that we never could have planned for or been prepared for.

I graduated with my A.A. towards the end of May and then took a week off from life just to let the adrenaline wear off. After finding out I had literally been 3 classes away from my degree for over 4 years was annoying and yet also deeply relieving. I also found out I have 124 transferable credits. You hear that?? TRANSFERABLE. That means every lousy credit is transferable as a class in a 4 year college.

I feel jipped somehow. I feel like mental illness has just screwed with some of the most productive years of my life. I can't help but grind my teeth when I see the friends and acquaintances I know who have gotten married (and a few divorced) graduated with BA's, had children, gotten dream jobs while I have had nervous breakdowns, quit 3 jobs and barely finished college.

On the one hand I want to be proud and scream "SCREW YOU BIPOLAR DISORDER!!!!" Because I HAVE finished a degree, I HAVE been published a few times, had my art in the Fair, started my own business, run a few websites and basically, pulled myself out of the hole I dug as an un-diagnosed person.

On the other hand I succumb to the temptation to look at other people's accomplishments and then feel sorry for myself. Well, what the heck? That isn't helping at all. It's not getting my art done, it's not moving my business forward so basically I need to shout "SCREW YOU SELF-PITY!!!" Because it's stupid, it's not helping and all it does is make me look backwards and not into the future.

So, I guess my priorities this semester are, 1. Do my math homework every night, 2. Work on my cartooning at least 1 night a week. 3. Promote my jewelry business. 4. Talk to successful small business owners about what I need to do to stay on top. 5. File for a fictitious business license so I can have checks cashed to my business name.

I think those are do-able. I have a sub-goal of looking for part time work but my parents aren't pressuring me so they have basically told me as long as the job fits into my needs as a bi-polar person/student. I think I may look for a job at the mall in a smaller, lower traffic store. That way I can work weekends and days (I hope) Since 2 of my classes are night classes.

I feel better having blogged this. I guess I've been feeling pressure from my own expectations and it's been making me cranky.

Also, if anyone besides me is reading this, can you please message me with how to do cuts? I have no clue.